My Borderline Personality

This week as been emotional draining. For 7 months I hadn't had an anger outburst but I did on Saturday night. See most BPD self harm by cutting me I hit myself and bite myself so hard to take the pain away. I got so mad I threw stuff around. I just been so stressed with figuring out how to pay bills and wishing my husband could find a job where he is worth what he does. If he only made just a little more we would be okay. I am worried my electricity is going to be turned off. I wasn't even able to buy my kids any school clothes. I just feel like a failure so much. I stopped going to my Celebrate Recovery meetings at church because I just cant afford the gas to drive there and back. My bible study starts up again for health Sunday and afraid I cant make it either. One of the woman were willing to figure out driving arrangments but I hate asking for help. I wasn't even able to enjoy church yesterday and of course he talked about low self esteem so that really got to me. He is doing a whole 5 week series on emotions. What really hurts is when people tell me I could work that MI are nothing that people with them work all the time BUT they hide the fact they have an issue because of the stigma that comes with it. See what gets me is Bipolar is high on the list for the worse one BUT they usually can function. What I have is an emotional illness. We act out in anger and the littlest things set us off. It could be something as small as someone calling you lazy when they dont understand. Everyday is a stuggle. I also suffer from Major Depressive Disorder which is way worse then depression. I am writing to let others know they are not alone if they feel the same way and also to write my own personal journal