When I read how others are down especially those with BPD it breaks my heart because I know how they feel. My Physiologist seems to think I can recover that BPD have it in their mind they dont want to get better. I wanted to tell her its not that simple. That is the misconception with BPD because it deals with emotions so we can retrain ourselves with DBT but it can takes YEARS. I am wanting to get better cause who wants to feel this way. I want to work so I feel like I am worthy of something. But also I dont like crowds and I dont just suffer from BPD. I suffer from MDD and anxiety and have fear of making friends. I always wonder what others think about me or if I am talking to much. Living with BPD is a curse in my opinion. When I am happy its the best feeling in the world but it doesnt last long. We can be happy one second and upset and pissed the next. Without my meds I would be worse yet my doctor says those with BPD can be cured and not have to take meds. I still dont see how its possible for that to happen. For most of my life I have dealt with Mental illnesses and having to see it first hand with my mother. If I really could I would love to talk to teenagers who have any issues and tell them seek help now dont wait till you have a family. I already feel bad cause my oldest acts like I use to sometimes and its my fault. I know I have scarred her for life and over time she will get better. Our relationship isnt the best and its hard for me to love always has been. I love my children but I wish they had a better mom.
To anyone who has family with any MI or yourself I feel for you just pray for them or think about them we like to know that others care.
If you have any stories you would like to share please email me and I can make them anonymous so others can understand they will go in my testimonies This blog is to express my feelings with My borderline personality disorder so others will come to understand it more
3 comments:
I hate to see you say your daughter's behavior is your "fault." It would have to be deliberate on your part to be your fault. You're doing such a good (and hard) thing getting DBT help now. I think all of us, everyone, could say we wish our kids had a better mom!
Thanks Kathy I just think I took to long realizing I had an issue and she had to see my anger outbursts and emotional problems so it kind of affected her.
thank you so much for your support. Don't ever think your daughter's actions are your fault. coming from a 22 year old who has a strained relationship with my mother ( who i believe has BPD and anorexia ) .... i still don't blame her, yes she played a part but so did MANY MANY other things.
don't beat yourself up and I REALLY appreciate your support!!
stay strong
xoxo
-Lisa
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